I sit in my 3rd floor apartment alone in the hall. The room is humid. The only solace is the fresh breeze from the balcony.
My thoughts wander. I want to write about Romance.
A person who is struck by this bolt once in their life will tell tales of how romance can change your life. You become a different human being.
You travel to places. You meet different people. You have a myriad of experiences. Yet, at the end of the day there is no answer to the questions of Romance. Why it happens and why it affects and changes you so much? Why do we feel attracted and attached to exactly that one person? I personally feel, that’s because the person complements you in various aspects.
Virginia Satir puts it beautifully: “We meet on the basis of our similarities and grow on the basis of our differences“. Yes, love helps you to grow.
It helps you ask questions. It makes you object to the orthodoxy of the present situations. It can bind communities, castes, religions and nationalities. It makes us want to let go off our vices and grow and improve as an individual.
I have always wondered “Why is love so powerful?” It is powerful because it is our implicit aspiration to find a meaning to life. It instills in us a feeling to not just grow and learn for ourselves but share the learning and the journey of life with a person who complements us. It gives us a glimpse of eternity and timelessness.
The romance portrayed in Shrek is one of the romances I truly appreciate and enjoy. It is a pure love which is not based on the beauty or status of the person. It comes with an appreciation and respect for the personality/nature of the person you love.
Yet, romance is such a misunderstood feeling. It is tabooed in the Indian society where independence to choose a partner is opposed in favour of a family decision. Ofcourse things are changing now for the better I believe.
~ There is another side of the coin. We see this happening all around us. Wrong and impulsive decisions to commit suicide or run away from homes, immature decision-making driven by lust rather than making an informed decision about the choice of a partner and many other incidents happen. Is it love to be blamed? I don’t think so. It is the poor judgment or decisions taken by the persons involved.
~ There is an argument I have heard quite often: “Arranged marriage vs Love Marriage success“. Well, what has successful marriage got to do with whether it was arranged or love? Successful marriage depends on the individual persons involved in the marriage and their willingness to grow and share a harmonious life.
~ I remember reading a short story by Guy Maupassant called the “Chair Mender” where he raises the question does love happen just once in our lives or can it happen over and over again. This is a very interesting debate. Even I don’t have answers to it. But I have a quote to share from the story: “Once a drunkard always a drunkard, once a lover always a lover“
Romance is a wide and elusive topic. Sometimes I feel it is so vast and complicated it does not have direct answers. It needs a platform. A platform where people can share their tales of romance. A platform where we find answers to our elusive questions. A kind of space where we can put in our thoughts or ideas regarding romance.
I always thought such a platform would be difficult to build. I joined my new company and was excited to find that our dedicated team involved in research in Social Sciences actually has such a platform already in place which offers space to share your stories/ideas/tales of romance, discusses about romance in literature and movies, has a forum where we can post questions and get answers and an online expert system IRES which can give you recommendations/suggestions based on universal principles of harmony and romance.
If you are interested in this topic of Romance as much as me, here is the site: www.romanceeternal.org Its really a great effort to bring out different aspects of romance without making it a dating or match-making site. Do check it out!!
12 Comments
June 22, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Interesting thoughts about Love and marriage. It’s right when you say “love” or “arranged” has got nothing to do with a “marriage.” Also, nicely said about how Love helps us grow.
Did that make any sense??
I was also thinking may be we can answer “does love happen just once in our lives or can it happen over and over again.” Based on how our life keeps changing, based on our needs for support or growth we see people differently everytime and it’s possible for love to happen again. It also can be with the same person, once again
So, you started your post with “A person who is struck by this bolt once in their life will tell tales of how romance can change your life. You become a different human being.” So, did u get struck by that bolt anytime coz u talked so much about it?
June 22, 2009 at 4:58 pm
So you started your research? I was also puzzled on how two different people connect to each other.(Still the puzzle isnt solved:))You were right in saying people get together because of similarities and grow because of differences.
So sad that this is tabooed and we are made to feel guilty to express and pursue love. Wish all the best for your research!
June 24, 2009 at 9:53 am
@Dee: Very well put about whether we can fall in love again. That’s true, each phase of our life is different so there is scope as you say to fall in love again or to fall in love with the same person again
Getting struck by the bolt. Ahan!! Even I don’t know. Talking of right now, I don’t want to get into marriage and neither do I have a person to get married to :p I really appreciate the concept of romance and wonder about it and since we were doing a research project on romance wanted to write about it in my post.
@deepak: Ya, that’s a puzzle too. Love is a genuine universal feeling and its sad that its tabooed. You can watch the movies suggested in the site.
June 24, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Some of the issues you have echoed here are the things we (me and my sweetheart) discovered on the course of our journey ! You have wonderfully distilled them on to words here. When our journey began, we found the idea of shared growth really fascinating. And then we could see it grow from being a mere notion we held to something that “happened”. We grew because of each other and it was real.
It is really heartening to read such simple yet exquisite and true understanding of love. A love that can happen in reality and change lives.
But we are surprised to know (from your comment above) that you are not into ‘it’ …. ! Such authenticity does not come out of no-experience !
Was a joy to read ! Continue penning your moods.
S & V
June 24, 2009 at 2:07 pm
@S&V:
I felt so good reading your comment. Thanks for that!! I am glad you could relate to the post well and actually have seen “love helping you to grow” in your own lives. Somehow after reading the comment of yours, I want to meet you both
Well, what can I say. I have learned a lot in my journey of life. And this post is a “summary” of what I have learnt.
Btw I just noticed from your blog the place mentioned is “Pondicherry”. Are you from Pondy too?
June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Hey, yes. I belong to Pondicherry. “Belong” is an understatement ….. I am everything today coz of Pondicherry.
@Meeting both of us – we would be thrilled to meet you !
June 24, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I love love and romance! I have only been in unrequited love, alas! I love animation films!
This is so true and so applicable to me: “Once a drunkard always a drunkard, once a lover always a lover“!
Thanks for the post , quote and everything .
June 24, 2009 at 5:42 pm
You should use categories with posts; it simplifies surfing or add a page of your most recommended posts! Ciao!
June 25, 2009 at 5:14 am
@S&V:
Wow, I am living in Pondicherry now. What a coincidence. We should meet up then. Do let me know how or when we could meet. I am free on Sundays. So if you both could plan for something, that would be great!!
June 25, 2009 at 7:06 am
Hey ! … Sure we can meet up sometime soon. You can come to my home if thats fine … Is there a mail ID I can mail you on …… ?
June 25, 2009 at 7:21 am
@S&V:
My email id is emailammu@gmail.com
Do drop in an email. We will catch up. I would like to know your names too
@Vikas:
Haha..Unrequited love can be a burden sometimes. However, my wishes and hopes that your unrequited love blossom into true love which can bring in lot of change in your life.
And thanks for the suggestion of tags/categories. I will do that from now on.
June 25, 2009 at 9:23 am
@Saraswathi
Mailed you ! …
@Vikas
Unrequited love is a bed of wonderful lessons ! Though difficult to go through, I wish it helps you emerge stronger ……