The last 2-3 weeks have been very exhausting for me. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I am down and trying to dig in and find the “ray of hope” within me to keep going. There is an aim or ambition I always set for myself (usually for my career) and that’s the only thing that keeps me driven and motivated. Even that “aim” or “ambition” is burning out like a candle that slowly melts away leaving behind smoke.
There was a beautiful relationship I had with a friend. That got snapped off. All of a sudden. Even before I could realise, there is “nothing” more. Though the friend has given up on me, I still have hopes that our relationship will revive. Not because I want it but because it was SOOO beautiful and fulfilling, it is hard to believe it got broken in the first place. Ofcourse there were ups and downs as in every other relationship. But the “downs” in this relationship was never between “us“, it was always external factors that played the spoilsport.
This was a friendship I dint want to give up at any cost. With this tie snapped off, I feel empty & hollow. As if I have to start a new life. So if you are reading this, do wish me luck that the relationship I lost is regained
I would be too happy. Infact I would get back a lease of my life.
I feel like the runner in a race who trails last. He’s tired, he knows he’s not going to win but yet continues running to reach the end point.
Because of this flagging enthusiasm, I am falling down in every aspect. I have been trying to read Tamil since past 2 years. I am able to read stories and novels. But I am too slow. Also I don’t yet know how to write Tamil. Sometimes comments from people does flag me off. I will not give it up though. I have to learn Tamil well. There is no way of “giving up”. Even if it takes me 10 years. Learning a new language is always a long process. I even want to learn “Telugu”. I can just read and write the Telugu alphabets. Being in Hyderabad since childhood and hopefully to retire in Hyderabad when I have grandchildren, its good to learn to read and write the language of your hometown, isn’t it??
Also, I have been ignoring my 2 wheeler driving. I got a beautiful “Dio” from Reva on October 3rd. I had learnt how to cycle just in the month of February this year. So a 2 wheeler was the next step. I tried driving it and the very first time I went and hit my apartment gate so badly. My head, shoulders, knees were badly hurt. And a kind of fear set in me to take the bike out. So I decided I need to learn the bike under some guidance and took to driving classes. The tutor I have Revathi miss is a very sweet and patient teacher. She has a “Sunny Zip” (a nice cute 2 wheeler) and I started practising on it. Now the problem is, I can drive the Sunny Zip very well because it is sooo light-weight but I am scared to drive the Dio as it is a bit heavy. Ofcourse, that should not matter at all. But you know “fear” has no reasons. It is just there. And with all the emotional turmoil I have been facing, it becomes difficult to “concentrate” and have the guts to take the vehicle out by myself. Added to it, the Pondicherry roads are just TOO bad. There is hardly any proper Tar road in and around my house. So you see even the Dio is lying there all by itself.
In the meanwhile, since I had learnt cycling so recently, I wanted to do it more. You know when you lose out on a skill for many years and when you learn it, you always feel like showing it off
So to help me go around Pondy & ya to keep me fit and trim, I got a cycle for myself. It’s the only sane thing I have been doing the past 3 weeks. Really. When I am on the cycle and when the breeze hits my face, I feel like I am flying in air
To top it all, I have not been telling about all this to anyone. So I finally decided my blog is the best place to share it all as I always do.
Can’t say the cliched dialogue that I am feeling “light as a feather” after writing this post. I just know that writing out these things will make me get a hold on myself. To realise that one day in the distant future, I would come back and read this post and smile at how funny I am when I am down and out.
Ok, so keep tuned in to my blog. I love to crib. I love to share. I love to enjoy. And ya I love to dance. So let me continue this journey of life with little sugar and spice. Take care my blog friends. Accha tho hum chalte hain. Alvida.